White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
