something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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