what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
