Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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