It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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