Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
