If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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