It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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