i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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