IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
