dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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