theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
