woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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