I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
