My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
