I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize