is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
