and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
