I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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