We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Panties = found
Randomize
