I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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