Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
