The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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