So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
