11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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