Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize