Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
