It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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