I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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