I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
