I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
