maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
