I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A+ Viking dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
