I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
jump out the window naked night went bad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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