I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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