This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
