mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
