I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
