im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So squirting runs in the family.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize