he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize