I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These tits shall not be calmed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
