Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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