im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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