Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
