3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
