Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
