Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
