You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
