well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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