I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
