I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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