Farmville is her only friend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
