from now on my penis is your penis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
