Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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