Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
