well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
