she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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