I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
