Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
