Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
