she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
