just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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