I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
