i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
