My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
