I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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