Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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