yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
