no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
