before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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