3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
