so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
