ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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